Running time: 109 mins
Director: Rick Jacobson
Starring: Julia Voth, Erin Cummings,
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Three badass sistas track down $200M in diamonds belonging to a mob boss named Pinky in the ultimate game of get rich or die trying. However when Camero (Olivio) sticks a round in a thugs head the plans go out the window and the object of the game becomes not getting caught.
Bitch Slap is one of those films that should be perfect for Knifed in
Venice, it carries three strong female leads and a narrative that’s steeped in Exploitation history. It should sit somewhere between The Switchblade Sisters and Kill Bill Vol. 2 and though narratively be nothing original should be an entertaining and empowering romp through the cinematic badlands…but it’s not.
For what it’s worth the film starts off promisingly, showcasing in it’s credit a reel of badass beauties it intends to tip it’s hat to but it’s not long before the film stumbles and it’s less time before it collapses into absurdity, tired, mundane absurdity. The initial introduction of Trixie (Voth), Hel (Cummings) and Camero sets the films stall out as a gritty though ultra-realistic graphic novel of a movie. The girls initial interactions with Gage (Michael Hurst) sets up a back and forth that could provide the tension for the duration of the picture but it all goes wrong when Gage ends up with a bullet in his skull. Alfred Hitchcock once said the worst thing he ever did was let the bomb go off (referring to the explosion in Sabotage that killed the films dramatic tension). Rick Jacobson could have learned a thing or two about this. He could have also learned a thing or two about film making.
The flashback sequences which start out 4 hours ago…4 hours 30 minutes ago are annoying, narratively weak and riddled with some of the worst CGI you’re ever likely to see. It’s somewhere between a Britney Spears video and a really bad Japanese PlayStation game. They serve little purpose other than to explain a narrative that isn’t complicated enough to need explained and it’s only a matter of time before the “gritty” environment of the desert descends into the same ham fisted nonsense. Watch out for the water fight – think the gasoline fight in Zoolander but played straight. The film generally couldn’t be worse if it actually tried, which I’m all but convinced it did.
All three lead performances are weak but for the most part it’s not their fault, the fault belongs to the script and to the direction given to them. The cinematography is populated with stylish touches that only further reinforce the fact that the film is completely style over content (like a Guy Ritchie movie). Several scenes and characters are directly stolen from Tarantino films (who in turn has don’t his own fair share of thievery) but for some reason Jacobson is fine with not even trying to develop these further than they appeared outside of the context from the film they were stolen. Generally lazy, stupid and dull.
Bitch Slap is billed as an Exploitation action film but the truth of the matter is that the films it aspires towards are empowering, strong, entertaining and on occasion intelligent. Christina Lindberg, Robbie Lee, Pam Grier...this film is not fit to wash these womens pants. It leaves little more than a red mark on the face of cinema, watch at your own risk but be warned this sugar filled turd will rot your brain.